Within me lives a victim. So accommodating, traumatized and anxious. She fears the world around her. The intimacy of her scares keep her frozen in place. Unable to free herself from the pain of herstory. Fear has grow roots into her tissues. She puts on her happy face to be in the world so she can desperately find someone to love her. She cant find a safe place to be held.
Within me lives an abuser. So possessive, selfish and unyielding. She does not trust the world around her. Her pain is seen as weakness and she builds a stonewall around her heart. Patrols it day and night, no one shall witness her pain. She is hostile and abrupt, wearing her armour to bed. She puts on her confident face to be in the world so she can feel good enough. She cant find find a safe place to be seen.
They are the perfect marriage, the dance of duality, the fuel and the fire. Birthed as a twin yoke within her unconscious mind, even before herstory began. For one can not live without the other. They are woven into the very fabric of her ego mind.
The world around her is a theatre of war. Filled with traumatized characters wearing social guises. Reacting out the past in a perpetual cycle. She finds herself tangled in the stories, unsure what is real. Whom she thought was friend is foe. Up is down, black is white. If only she could snap out of it, if only someone could look back at her with the light of truth. She might find her way back. She looks within their souls and finds that no one is home, fragmented and numb. Wildly fearful and caged. Abandoned and petrified of being noticed. A world of separation and illusions looking back.
What if this is all a dream, and what I see is what I am, and what I am is what I see?
Then I guess its time, to start to love what I see.